Wait on God

“Wait on God”

As young woman, I imagined being a wife someday. When I was younger, I actually did not want kids. With so many nieces and nephews, they were enough for me. However, in my late twenties I saw my sisters with their husbands and kids and that sight was beautiful. Beautiful enough for me to see for myself. The guy I was dating at that time wanted nothing more but to marry me, so I thought. Time passed by year after year, game after game and nothing. I asked the question “do you still want marriage?” the response was “I’m just trying to figure out myself right now.” Wow, that was shocking and disappointing. I knew in my heart I could no longer be with this person as we were on two different paths in life. I was ready to settle down and have a family.

We broke up months later after months of praying for God to help me and guide me in this relationship. I was heartbroken and a part of me still wanted a relationship with him, but God said,‘he’s not THE ONE.” I cried because I wanted him to be the one, my heart was crushed by love once again. What to do next?

I stayed single for over three years turning down every guy that came my way; at one point I almost got back with my first love but, nope, God stopped that too. I was like “okay God, what is happening?” I remained single and focused on God. I prayed intentionally. I listened to my Bishop’s preaching to gain knowledge and understanding. I watched my ex bring a new girl to church almost every other Sunday and the crazy thing was it didn’t bother me. I thought I became numb to my own emotions when God was healing me. I was amazed at the new me. I would chat with his new girl and he probably thought I was crazy, but I was the total opposite. God rested on me and my heart was healed, like completely healed from bad relationships.

Summer of year three in single land, I was asked “may I walk you to your car?” I looked at him and said “okay, as I rolled my eyes…thinking what does he want.” He’s talking and, in my head, I’m like “I don’t have time for this” I say, “how old are you” he says, “what does that matter” “it matters to me, I say so “how old are” he proceeds to tell me then asks for my phone number, I said” I’ll think about it.” I only said that to be nice. When I got home from church, I called my mom and we talked, I told her about Mr. baby-breath, she laughed and said, “you didn’t say that to him did you” I said, “umm yeah, I did” She goes to say, “that was not nice, give him a chance, he might be a great guy.” One of my best friends called and she asked me about the walk to the car and I told her, she said, “stop being mean, give him a chance” Really? I talked to my coworker and she said the same thing. Fine, I’ll give him my number.

Our first conversation he asked specific questions and we talked about what we wanted in life. He said “I’m dating to marry” I was like whoa brother I don’t know you. Needless to say, God was setting me up and answering my prayers. We had such intellectual conversations and that was intriguing to me. We hung out almost every weekend, talked on the phone every day and one day it ended, we stopped talking but yet remained cordial. Then we started talking again and it turned into salsa classes and date nights. God is so funny. Nine months later we were engaged and married six months later.

Now five years in and a five-month-old beautiful baby boy and I’m learning something new every day.

I’m learning to be more patient.

I’m learning to never stop praying

I’m learning to compromise more.

I’m learning to “hush”

I’m learning to stop being stubborn

I’m learning to take time for just me.

I’m learning to talk less and listen more.

I’m learning to be more understanding

I’m learning to be more caring

I’m learning that love is hard

I’m learning that marriage requires tough skin

I’m learning that my husband knows how to push my buttons

I’m learning that my marriage is beautiful

I’m learning how much my husband truly loves me

I’m learning to have patience

I’m learning to let give God control​

I’m learning to let my husband be the man

I’m learning to relax

I’m learning to have time for us

I’m learning to allow my husband to truly love me

I’m learning to love my husband the way he truly deserves

I’ve learned to not allow past hurts affect my marriage.

I’m learning so much every day and I’ll never stop learning and loving my husband. God is in the center of our relationship and without God things could be very different. Trust the process. Wait on God.