The Decision

Three years ago I said I wanted to write my first book. I had the title, scriptures and even my outline. Well I gave up and decided not to do it. My reason - I felt ashamed to tell a part of my life that was a painful and difficult. Then last year I realized I didn’t go through that for me but to help someone else. So, I picked up where I left off and never looked back.

In 2018, it seemed like so many of my closest friendships ended abruptly. It distracted me for a moment but it fueled me to keep writing. After my surgery in August 2018, my healing was writing. That’s where my peace lies other than my relationship with God. In October my book was complete; however, the cover was not. Now on my second book cover designer, it was not working. The vision was not what I expected. I had to find a new designer which caused me to change my release date. So back to the drawing board. Then an amazing friend, my third designer, helped me achieve my goal and my vision came to life. I was so grateful for her hard work.

After experiencing the headache of book cover designers, illustrators, photography, editing, self-publishing and more, my book was almost ready for pre-orders. Then on December 23rd, 2018 a nightmare happened. I was severely burned on my neck, upper and lower back with second- and third-degree burns while getting my hair braided. I was transported to the emergency room where my back had to be debrided to remove the old, dead skin. My husband began to pray for me immediately. A team of nurses, anesthesiologists, surgeons and burn specialists entered and exited my room presenting me with options. Still in shock, I was angry, sad and confused as to why this happened to me. I began to think negatively; I stated I couldn’t model anymore. What companies would hire someone whose back looks like this. I wanted to give up on writing. I wanted to give up on releasing my book. I wanted to forget it all. During a follow-up, I ended up needing a second surgery because the burns were worse than what they thought. I was over it. My husband’s prayers and kind words uplifted and changed the way I was thinking. Then this nudging inside of me wouldn’t let this book go.

Only a few weeks into the 2019, a twenty-year friendship was terminated suddenly. I was like what in the world is going on? I was so confused. I questioned myself and wondered if I was a bad friend. In my frustation, I became more determined. I couldn’t let something else try and take my focus. I was sad about it but I had to get things done. I started pre-orders and released my first poetry book, The Storm Saved Me, on February 16, 2019. Releasing my book was a true testament of perservance that made me stronger.

If God gave it to you, He will make it happen. It won’t be easy but believe in yourself regardless of what happens. You are good enough and you are enough.

Prayers work, life happens but never give up.

Make a decision and stick to it.